SATIRE
Follow UsThe Delhi Capitals’ camp wore a forlorn look. Everyone sat in their corner, glued to their mobiles. There was a RCB-LSG match on, but that did not matter. Once the match was done, something caught coach Ponting’s eye, as he whacked his hand, “You see that, mate” he said to nobody in particular. Nobody looked up. They had stopped taking Ponting’s pep talks seriously.
But then, Ponting repeated himself, with even more vigour, “Mate, stop what you’re doing, as a team, all the inspiration you need is out there” He pumped the volume. Virat Kohli and Gautam Gambhir were having a go at each other. Nothing new.
The bored players looked up uninterestedly; wary, that if they didn’t, they will be unceremoniously dropped from the DC squad, or worse still, made to play the next match. Young Indian players were aware, they could be forced to play anytime – it had nothing to do with performance or how they fared in the nets – in fact, it was quite the contrary. If you looked totally out of rhythm, or defiant, the punishment was to play – which explained how random the selections were.
Everyone had started referring to Ponting as Random Ricky. Shane Watson was being called Shame Watson. James Hopes was James Hopeless. Ajit Agarkar was called plain Duck. These names were an open secret and made Ponting unhappy. Not because of their mocking nature, but as he often said, “Mate, use a little imagination. Do you even know what Rishabh would call me? If you want to take the mickey, mate, you gotta learn from Rish…”
Mention of Pant would invariably make everyone sad. Some players had even requested to go improve their morale by visiting Pant in the National Cricket Academy so he could mock and inspire them. These requests had been denied.
Back to the Kohli-Gambhir spat. It had excited Ponting no end. DC owner, Parth Jindal asked everyone to take heed of what Ponting was saying. Which is when they did.
“Look at them. That’s the true spirit of Delhi, mate. You see them, even after the match is over, they’re having a go at each other. Those two guys out there, they’re true Delhi-ites. That never say die attitude. It’s not about winning or losing a game, but not giving an inch, mate”
A befuddled, David Warner looked up, “What you saying? You want us to fight with the opposition?”
“Exactly, mate.”
“But we can’t. You see that, don’t you?”
“That’s during the match. What about after the match?”
This is when, the ever-aware Axar Patel, piped up, “Areh, we will lose match fees also. My Guju brain will not allow that”
To which Warner adds, “Count me out too!”
Ponting is exasperated, he shrugs and looks at Warner, “Mate, making those vids really have softened you? Are you for real, mate? You think I’m gonna ask you to fight after the match. Are you an Aussie? When did you stop being one? Has the IPL sucked out every bit of that from you? Do you remember, how we Aussies fought on the field? Do you even know what the word SLEDGE means? Does anyone of you even know what we did in Sydney? You gotta win at all costs, but here it is we gotta lose at all costs”
Just then an oblivious Ganguly walks in exclaiming how good the biryani was. “Excellent biryani but I dropped some on my shirt, and had to take it off”
Parth Jindal intervenes, “Pant is on that Zoom call we had planned after the match. Ponting shrugs again.”
Pant appears on screen, “Hi boys, today was a good match for us, we did not lose”
Everyone cracks up.
Pant continues, “You have to look at small wins, boys. Matches we are not playing. They are an inspiration for us. We never lose in matches we are not playing. But I am also hearing that we are not playing in matches we are playing and that is why we are losing. Boys, please turn up at least for those matches. Right Ricky?
Guys, my recovery is coming off well. You see, I have not lost my sense of humour. But the defeats are making me very sad. I’m not saying this because the DC owner is there…”
Everyone cracks up, as does Jindal. Somehow, Pant’s levity has eased the mood. But Ponting is still looking sullen. He explains his concept of Delhi’s fighting spirit, and how DC can be inspired by the Kohli-Gambhir spat.
Pant seems lost, “I dunno Ricky. We all have different triggers. My trigger was Bhogle when he compared me to Virender Sehwag. Maybe we all have to use our triggers. But what you say is also right. But what did you say? Sorry, I have to go for physiotherapy”
The Zoom link snaps.
Everyone cracks up again, and for once, the DC camp is filled with applause.
It’s obvious, while the likes of Kohli and Gambhir use their Delhi aggression, Pant continues to win hearts with his Dilli-ka-Dil.
(However plausible this may sound, this is a work of fiction)
