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Satire: BCCI Announce New Rules For IPL 2025
Wondering what are the new levels that BCCI can stoop down to? Read the article
No family access to dressing rooms.
Bus travel is mandatory for all players.
Strict dress codes, no sleeveless shirts allowed.
No practice on match days.
You thought that was it? You think that the richest cricketing board, the BCCI would just have Ten Commandments?
You are wrong, my friend. Like all other publications, we have accessed some of BCCI’s darkest secrets (that literally lie in their draft) regarding the most bizarre, strict, and confusing rules for the Indian Premier League (IPL) 2025.
Younger players should seek MS Dhoni’s blessings
All players who are below MS Dhoni’s age should seek the 43-year-old’s blessings before bowling against him. It doesn’t matter whether the bowler is Amit Mishra (who is 42) or Kwena Maphaka (18).
If they don’t abide by the rules, then they will be charged 10% of their match fee.
Virat Kohli banned from any sort of endorsement
The biggest shock. Literally, a man who walks with brands all over him, BCCI have specifically instructed Virat Kohli not to have any sponsor on his jersey. Just imagine Kohli walking in a clean, sponsor-less RCB jersey. Gives the chills, doesn’t it?
Teams will be fined INR 20 lakh if they finish matches before 11:30 PM
Given that the BCCI have already sold all its advertising spots for IPL 2025, they have made it clear as daylight that the teams will be fined INR 20 lakh if they finish an IPL game before 11:30 PM.
It comes after complaints from advertisers of early finishes from last year’s IPL.
Travis Head banned against all teams in blue
BCCI have had enough of watching Travis Head dominate teams in blue. Hence, they have gone to the length of banning the Australian left-handed batter against all the IPL teams in blue.
What a relief for MI but a shocker for RCB, who will have to bear the brunt yet again.
Petition to change IPL to Thala Premier League
Who said Dhoni doesn’t have the pull anymore? After making the official broadcasters for IPL 2025 change their channel name to ‘S*** Sports 1 Last time’ because Thala for a season, there are also rumours that they want to change IPL's name.
Guess what's the new name in the suggestion? Thala Premier League (TPL). The greatest name in the history of all franchise leagues, TPL will be on your screens from IPL 2026.
Players will be fined INR 1 lakh every time they smile
Now, this is a strict policy that has been implemented in the Indian dressing room. Apparently, every time an Indian player smiles in the dressing room, they have to put a cheque worth INR 1 lakh into the ‘smile box’. Gautam Gambhir has already communicated it to the IPL governing council.
RCB chants to be banned at M Chinnaswamy Stadium
Car horns are 90 dB, and bus horns are 100 dB.
But you know what is noisier, RCB fans. Ministry of Environment, Forest and Climate Change of India has clearly instructed that there should be not a single RCB chant during their home games, and it could bring down the noise levels to great effect.
Don’t @me, even the Indian government doesn’t have a great say over ‘Dhoni chants’.
Super Sixes Award to be renamed after Dhoni
Just the usual IPL time where everything is around Dhoni.
IPL 2025 will take that to the next level, with BCCI sending an email to all franchises stating that the Super Sixes award will now be renamed the MSD Award and handed out virtually via an AI-generated Dhoni video message.
One over of uncensored commentary allowed during IPL
At this point, we all know who is writing the scripts.
So, in a bid to make IPL 2025 more interesting and to generate more revenues and income through copyright settlements, BCCI have decided to follow the WWE and introduce uncensored commentary.
The commentators will be allowed one over of uncensored commentary in a clash, during which they can say anything without getting punished.
Broadcasters will have to pay BCCI INR 10 lakh every time they show MS Dhoni
Of course, it doesn’t apply when he’s batting, but according to the latest diktat (not to be confused with dictator), the BCCI will charge the broadcasters INR 10 lakh every time they show Dhoni on camera.
So, next time you chant ‘Dhoni, Dhoni, Dhoni’ when he isn’t batting, remember it is quite a costly demand.
There should be mention of Rohit’s captaincy in every IPL game
Bizarre right? Nope, just a normal day in BCCI’s office. In the document that has been leaked to Cricket.com, there is a clause mentioned in the commentator’s guide that they will have to mention how successful Rohit Sharma has been as India’s captain in order to keep the Mumbai lobby happy.
So, don’t be shocked if they take a dig at Kohli every time they talk about Indian captains.
P.S. Everything mentioned here should be taken as seriously as PBKS, RCB and DC are taken in every edition of IPL