What makes Virat Kohli go on and on

What would appear to be yet another excited comment by Kevin Pietersen, said so much about Virat Kohli, the man, and what drives him. KP spoke of how the crowds had been away for the last few IPL seasons, that now that they had returned and were pushing Kohli to greater heights. 

There is more than meets the eye to this comment. Perhaps KP knows Kohli better than most but he was on to something more.

It’s no secret that Kohli is a showman as much as a cricketer. Few know, that even when he’s been doing the hard yards in the gym, there has been an intense pre-gym prep. This entails a proper lighting and film crew set-up. This was even more vital during the pandemic, when it was crucial for the cricketer to reach his millions of fans on social media. 

That Kohli’s wife, Anushka is in films, gave the productions a professional edge. While Kohli pumped away in the gym for hours, the film crew cut these films for hours. These were shared with a handpicked film jury, and only the best made it to Kohli’s Instagram page. This was to echo an oft-use Kohli phrase, “My fans deserve the best.” 

In spite of Kohli’s back-to-back twin hundreds, and the thousands of elated fans, RCB failed to make the playoffs. Yet the highpoint when Kohli reached his century against SRH, was the collective-submissive ‘We’re not worthy’ bows by his front-row teammates in the dugout. It is learnt that half the RCB player selections in auctions are done keeping in mind how submissive the players are. As of course, how deeply touched they are by the Kohli aura. 

Kohli does favour players with a sense of humour: that they can laugh uncontrollably at his crude desi jokes is huge positive. If they can add to the laughs, they’re all-in. 

It’s an open secret that through all these years, Kohli is the only Indian player at RCB to have scored over 1000 runs – 7K +. Kohli tends to get along beautifully with overseas’ superstars – the bromance with AB de Villiers continues long after the player left the franchise. Kohli’s affinity to the South African led to RCB going after Faf du Plessis. It helped that both AB and Faf were 1984 born, in Pretoria, married in 2013 with a middle name starting with D. 

Kohli is picky numerically and can be quite superstitious too. In fact, he’s often referred to as Virat da Kohli, the Indian-Saffer. As an RCB insider, Mr. Nags dished out a nursery rhyme to toast AB, Faf and Virat, the chorus is, “de, du, da, we are RCB via South Africa, haha”

Even though Glenn Maxwell is not South African or 1984 born, he’s born in the same year as Kohli – 1988. That he is married to a woman of Indian origin makes him even more agreeable. Those critical of Maxwell say he chokes in the big games, so he’s very much South African too. 

As for the RCB support staff, they have to be adept at throw-downs any time of the day. While Kohli’s fitness and practice regime is a thing of legend, few know that there are times he can wake up in the middle of the night, sleepwalk to the nets and expect to sleep-bat. Kohli’s intensity does not waver when he’s batting in his sleep. An insider commented, “Virat eats and sleeps cricket, there is not a moment he is not switched on” As the chef at a hotel added, “We have been instructed to bake his bread in the shape of cricket bats. Once we perfected the mould, it was a cakewalk”.

Another favourite for Kohli in his free-time is watching Dracula, Twilight and Vampire movies. Those in the know say, “for Kohli anything with ‘bats’ is sacrosanct. I’ve heard, when he enjoyed a drink, it was always a Bacardi, but those days are long gone. Even though he’s a vegan, he’s a huge Meat Loaf fan and loves all the Bat out of hell albums. 

This writer caught Virat humming, “I’d do anything for love but I won’t do that.” Remains to be seen whether ‘that’ is an IPL or ICC trophy. 

(However plausible this may sound, this is a work of fiction)