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REVEALED: What (actually) happened in BCCI-IPL team owner’s meet

article_imageSATIRE!!!!
Last updated on 06 Aug 2024 | 08:07 AM
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REVEALED: What (actually) happened in BCCI-IPL team owner’s meet

Please note that this work is 100% satirical, with 100% mention of names of living characters, IPL stars and franchises

Trust me, bro. 

Did we reveal our source too early? Did you think Chennai Super Kings' request for MS Dhoni to be considered an uncapped player was crazy? 

Hold our bottle; our sources have revealed the craziest rule changes requested by the Indian Premier League (IPL) franchises. 

Chennai Super Kings - no toss, CSK will opt first

After watching Ruturaj Gaikwad painfully lose the toss left, right, and centre, five-time IPL winners, CSK, made a strong request at the meeting with the Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI) and the IPL governing council. 

“No more tosses,” the CSK representative said at the meeting, with their feet on the table (almost stomping their authority). So, who gets to opt, you ask? Of course, CSK; after all, they have won the tournament five times.

Either the league reduces its fan base by a billion, or they shut up and accept their demands. A fair deal, I suppose. 

Delhi Capitals - Different pitches for different innings

As crazy as it sounds, this wasn’t as crazy as the other demands. 

After all, we are talking about a franchise that hasn't won the IPL yet despite changing its name and jersey multiple times and, of course, the square umpteen times. So, the board can do that much, eh? Delhi’s demand is that there should be different pitches for different innings. Confused about how it will help them? 

Well, they want a spin-assisting pitch while bowling and a flat pitch while batting. IYKYK!!

Gujarat Titans - Coach can captain from inside the field

Ashish Nehra, one word. That should be enough for you to know why GT wants this rule ahead of the upcoming season.

But even if there’s a new coach whose name we won’t take (Yuvraj Singh), the franchise wants the coach to be allowed on the pitch to give instructions to the captain, Shubman Gill. Not that stupid earpiece stuff that Bob Woolmer and Hansie Cronje did once upon a time, here the coach will be out there in the middle. 

“Hey, teams, we already have a strategic timeout, but we just want our coach to be in the pitch at all times,” said GT’s owners, who joined via video after the mandatory 'hello, can you hear me' five times!!.

Kolkata Knight Riders - Sunil Narine should be considered an Indian

“Give Sunil the Indian citizenship,” shouted a KKR representative. The room was pretty confused, everyone were looking at each other. 

Then they realised that KKR were talking about Sunil Narine. 12 years of IPL surely should be enough to give him that citizenship. Given that he’s already created employment opportunities for the Doppelgänger universe in the country, he deserves it. 

Lucknow Super Giants - KL Rahul’s strike rate should be multiplied by 2

A recurring problem for LSG from the past two seasons is KL Rahul’s strike rate. 

The franchise wanted the IPL governing council and BCCI to restructure the rules in such a way that Rahul’s runs and strike rate are doubled. So, if he scores 40 off 35 balls, it should be considered 80 off 35, and those extra runs are to be added at the end of the innings. 

If the BCCI doesn’t agree to the rule, LSG are even ready to let Rahul go. No wonder RCB wanted to get Rahul. 

Mumbai Indians - Sister franchise players eligible to play for MI

“We run the IPL, we are the reason that people watch IPL,” came a voice across the room. 

Only one franchise could battle that voice because it was the five-time champion Mumbai Indians. They have built an empire not only outside the real world but also in this ‘tiny’ league. 

Owing to this, they demanded the most outrageous rule: they wanted all the players who have played for their sister franchise (MI New York, MI Emirates, MI Cape Town), including Rashid Khan, to be eligible to play for Mumbai Indians. 

First, Hardik Pandya, now Rashid, give that poor GT a break, MI. 

Punjab Kings - IPL qualification will work in reverse

And then came the franchise who has never lit the IPL up. So much so that even their demand seemed very natural. All that the Punjab Kings wanted is for the qualification procedure to reverse, only to consider teams that finish from sixth to tenth. 

They have been in a long-term Tox6ic relationship, and all they want is for the league to realise that and get them to a better place (playoffs). 

Rajasthan Royals - English players to be considered local

“We have done so much for English cricket, so they should be considered as local players.”

As obvious as it gets, there is only one franchise in the entire league that can have such a strong claim — not you, SRH; it is the Rajasthan Royals. Throughout the years, Rajasthan have consistently shown great affection to English players, to the extent that they were ready to shell 13 out of their available 16 crores on a certain Harry Brook. 

Outrageous demand? This rule will allow them to get all the available English cricketers and, even better, play them as a local. No more grooming talents from this country. 

Royal Challengers Bengaluru - No death overs while bowling

As simple as it gets. Really. 

Royal Challengers Bengaluru don’t really want anything outrageous. They just want a simple rule for no death overs while bowling and 10 death overs while batting. 

“Come on, guys. We have been playing IPL for 16 years. This is the only way we can get to that title,” the mic captured the RCB think tank telling the other franchises. Yeah, come on, guys. Give it to them now. They have suffered enough already with that bowling unit. 

Good luck now, Siraj. 

Sunrisers Hyderabad - to have six overseas options

Now for the craziest rule change, courtesy Sunrisers Hyderabad

Kaviya Kalanithi Maran, SRH’s CEO, requested the league to change the rules to ‘six overseas players’ in SRH’s XI from next year. According to sources from the meeting, SRH’s CEO were adamant that the franchise had finally figured out how to build a team, and this mega auction was only going to spoil it. 

Hence, she wants the IPL to change the rules for the team in Orange. This is not the first time that rules will be rewritten for someone in Orange, right? Come on, who doesn’t want to see them "400 par (above)"?

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