SATIRE
Follow UsImagine your favourite IPL team dressing up and going tediously every day to school. Stop imagining now because we have done that part for you. There are all kinds of students, the obedient ones, the ones who are the teacher’s favourite, and the rich ones not shy of flexing in front of their friends.
Oh, of course, the kid who mugs up for the wrong exam.
One who doesn’t study but tops - Gujarat Titans
Just look at Hardik Pandya. He’s Gujarat’s skipper. You look at him and the immediate feeling you get is of the student who has his collar up, chewing a pack of gum or two taking battles with everyone. You know those ones that your mom advises you to stay away from.
Also, you would be naturally assuming that he spends a lot of time outside the principal’s office (Dhoni’s room). And he gets away often because his dad (Nehra) knows the principal quite well.
But come the exam, the collared-up guy is topping the exam, which blows away every other student in the class with surprise. Almost everyone in the class goes “Holy fudge, how did he top the class,” and that is Hardik’s Gujarat.
Oh wait, he is also that student who came late to school regularly and still topped it all.
The teacher’s pet kid - Chennai Super Kings
Moving on, these kinds of kids are often the most irritating of ones. They could do anything, like literally anything, like cheat in an exam and yet they will be the first kid that the teacher is looking at. Yes, they are the teacher’s pet kids. Guess who is the teacher’s pet in the IPL.
You are right! It is the Chennai Super Kings. They are often tip-top dressed, and they comb their hair in a parting fashion. They are meticulous about their approach and are very consistent in the class. So, you know who they despise the most in the class - the spoilt rich brats. They are into the process so much, that they don’t really care about the ultimate result.
Only twice in the history of IPL have they been late to the class, they are that consistent. And if they are not there in the class, the teacher often finds it tough to start the class.
The richest kid in the class (spoilt brat) - Mumbai Indians
Now then, we are talking, aren’t we? There is always this one kid in the class who gets the undivided attention of all the teachers. Even when there is a parents-teachers meeting (Umpires-owners in this case), they are always given the first preference. Their parents always get down from their Porsches. The teachers greet them with their heads bowed down.
Mumbai are that kid. Their parents are super-rich. Other kids mock them: “Tum aur tumhare pitaji ke paas toh duniya bhar ka paisa hai.”
Regardless, they eventually top the class as well. Oh wait, they have done that five times in the past. They are those kids who make other parents wonder if there are some activities under the table (IYKYK)
Pretty Spoilt, brats.
One who studies a lot, and forgets at the exam hall - Lucknow Super Giants
There is always that one kid in the gang who studies a lot, right? That kid is Lucknow Super Giants. They study a lot and buy the best books from the exact same place CSK buy their books from before the start of an academic year in pursuit of topping the exam. They even tried to copy CSK’s method of studying. Forget that, they even stole a piece of their name, what a ‘super’ effort.
But then the inevitable happens.
Because they study a lot, they either end up sleeping in the exam hall or they end up forgetting everything that they studied. Unfortunately for them, they can’t even copy from the other teams. Makes a lot of sense why KL Rahul said “strike-rates are overrated” right?
The kid who can’t even pass with grace marks - Delhi Capitals
Talking about marks, there is this one kid in the class who always seems to be struggling for marks. Like they can’t even make it to the minimum pass mark range, and then despite the consistent attempt from the teacher with grace marks, they still end up failing.
That kid this year is none other than Delhi Capitals. Give them a grace mark, and they will still end up failing. In fact, they will show you different ways to flunk an exam. If sources are to be trusted, they ended up writing lyrics of songs. Oh, guess what we found on that paper?
“Mera Captain Hai Australiani, ye Pant-aloon Ingalishtaanee, sar Pe Laal Topee Roosee, phir Bhee Dil Hai Hindustaanee”
No wonder they are at the bottom. Jaanta mera Papa kaun hain? Ponting.
They are good friends with the two other underperforming kids in the class - Punjab and Bangalore. Not that they are a gang, but there is an unofficial treaty signed between these three - none of them will do well in the class.
Unnoticed kid - Punjab Kings
There are good kids, there are bad ones and there are those kids who always go unnoticed. More often than not, those kids sit in the middle section of the classroom. The teachers only give attention to the ones sitting in front or always give an earful to the ones sitting at the back of the classroom.
But Punjab are built different. Having finished the last four seasons on sixth, they are a kid that always goes unnoticed. Neither are they in the top four nor are they in the bottom that people can ridicule. Traditionally too, they haven’t done a whole lot to get any sort of notice.
Ee Sala first Rank Namde - Royal Challengers Bangalore
You know those kids who are always aspiring to become toppers but never become one? That’s Royal Challengers Bangalore, they are perenially a team with aspirations but without any reward. Mostly because the other kids in the classroom are better.
They are those kids who believe that they have done their homework right but in fact, have got the assignment completely wrong. Forget that, they even tried borrowing notes and study materials from the toppers but ultimately, they have always found themselves short of the trophy.
But despite the failure every year, they turn up and shout “Ee Sala first Rank Namde” in front of the entire school on microphone. You admire their confidence.
Sincere student - Rajasthan Royals
We have seen quite a few types of kids thus far but these ones are pretty common - the ones who sit on the first bench, and reach their class at 8 AM in the morning for an 8.30 AM class. They are the ones who lead the assembly lines, and they are always the sincere student. Their clothes are always well-ironed, their badges are right in place, and they have parents who are well-known and well-disciplined.
When this school started, way back in 2008, they were the school toppers. Since then, they have always been sincere students. But alas never have they topped an exam since then.
The kid who mugs the wrong paper for the wrong exam - Kolkata Knight Riders
It is the time of the exam, there are several kids discussing with each other on the upcoming exam. In between this discussion comes a kid, who has mugged up for the wrong exam. Everyone looks at him like “What on earth is he talking about” and that kid is Kolkata Knight Riders.
They are evidently well-prepared (in their head) but there is a big glaring issue, they are well-prepared for the wrong exam. And then they end up writing something on the paper. You can sense the same in their team construction, auction after auction.
Still basking on getting full marks six years ago - Sunrisers Hyderabad
Once upon a time, there was a ghost student, who got full marks. His name was all over the place, everyone were scared of him. He was so good that people were drawing inspiration from him. But then after some personal grief, the kid suffered a lot and ultimately has been failing exams every year.
They have tried hard to get back on track since then. You appreciate their effort. But the song that they always play on a loop goes like “But in the end it doesn't even matter”.
Despite that, the kid always likes to remind everyone from time to time that they got full marks six years ago. That is the Sunrisers Hyderabad
