SATIRE!!!
Follow UsWe are back at what we do best - an award segment that the International Cricket Council (ICC) can only imagine. You will most certainly find the names of most of your favourite players, so don’t get too worked up about that.
Without much ado, let's get into the awards:
The South Africa award for best chokeslam
Winner: 2024 T20 World Cup batch
Let’s start with a yearly special, the South African award for best chokeslam.
No prizes for guessing, the winner is *drumroll*, Aiden Markram’s men. You think that the 2022 squad was bad (ya, they were); this 2024 squad reached the final, almost put a hand on the trophy and then got cooked [read choked].
There’s no way a team can lose from 30 off 30 with 6 wickets left unless... Markram, be careful while climbing up the stairs.
Shawshank Redemption award
Winner: Hardik Pandya
Everyone loves a good Shawshank Redemption, don’t they? That’s exactly what Hardik Pandya delivered at the global event this year. Key wickets, valuable runs, good fielding, name it and Hardik was there in that moment.
Ahhh (he's in this image as well, duh). Luckily for us, here is the Indian side, clapping for Hardik. You thought they didn’t fly back home because of the Hurricane? The joke is on you.
Cheater Cheater Pumpkin Eater award
Winner: India
Only one venue in the group stage, not much travel, a rigged group, a fixed semi-final venue and Jasprit Bumrah?
Isn’t it blatant already? All the other teams, thanks for coming. India were anyway going to win it all day long. Suckaaa. Here’s the management accepting the award.
Kabir Khan Coach of the Year award
Winner: Rahul Dravid
What do you get when you combine a slight bit of Kabir Singh with Kabir Khan? Of course, Indiranagar ka Gunda.
By that, we mean the one and only KL Rahul Rahul Dravid. After losing as a player and winning a World Cup as a coach, he has come a long way. His second major trophy in the span of 48 hours. Life’s great, isn’t it, Rahul?
Kabali Award for the best transformation award
Winner: Virat Kohli
You know that famous dialogue from Kabali, which goes like “Tamil Padangal La……,” and ends up in Rajinikanth destroying the villain? Well, here’s the video for all you noobs.
What’s that to do with the award ceremony? Well, Virat Kohli’s act at the World Cup was on the same lines. Started with a lull and ended with the South African skull. Kabali Kohli da.
Oscar for Best Actor
Winner: Gulbadin Naib
Cillian Murphy, who?
You might have surely watched the wrong Oscars because the award for the best actor will always go to Gulbadin Naib. Can Murphy go down within seconds after a finger snap? Naib most certainly can.
Here is Gulbadin, and there’s Trott directing this entire award segment. Claps claps. Call the ambulance, quick, someone, he’s gone down.
Minnow bashers
Winner: Afghanistan
“So when 2 teams with very different strengths compete, and the latter is defeated very badly, it's said to be minnow bashing.”
Thanks, Q**ra, our sacred dictionary. This year, this award goes to a special team, and they are being cheered all the way from Kabul to Kandahar. It is none other than Afghanistan. After all, they did beat minnows Bangladesh, Australia and New Zealand.
Butterfingers
Winner: Mitchell Marsh
We had a sponsor for this segment, the Utterly Butterly Ridiculous drop, until the last edition, but now they have moved on to sponsor teams. Keeping that in mind, we have decided to have an overhaul and just call this segment Butterfingers?
Oops, we did it again. Let’s welcome on the stage, Mitchell Marsh. Okay, hang on, he’s dropped the award. Security, quick, take this man away.
The Mecca of Entertainment
Winner: Nassau County International Cricket Stadium
Ah, the most sacred of all World Cup venues. The pinnacle of every player’s dreams, the Nassau County International (are you for real, bruh? Cricket Stadium). Ya, that stadium that existed a few weeks ago and has moved on like a circus.
Now, it is back to being a pretty good barren land. Cheers to good times. Can we get this award disassembled and taken back to wherever it belongs? Maybe a piece of it could go to Adelaide?
Oracle Miracle Award
Winner: Saurabh Netravalkar
Before we get cancelled (thanks to Oracle), we have to congratulate Saurabh Netravalkar, a young and budding 32-year-old cricketer.
He’s got the ball to talk real smoothly at this year’s World Cup, hasn’t he? Of course, he has a great future in Indian cricket. Start grooming him already, BCCI.
How the Turntables Award
Winner: Josh Hazlewood
Well, well, well. How the turntables.
You remember how that didn’t go down well for Michael Scott in The Office? Life is similar for Josh Hazlewood, who (funny or not) wanted to eliminate arch-rivals England. But guess what ultimately ended up happening?
England became the first semi-finals, and Australia, well, they just took that first flight back home.
John Cena Award
Winner: New Zealand and Pakistan
You can’t see me, my time is now?
More like you can’t see me, my time is over.
New Zealand and Pakistan’s campaigns would resonate well with this song. By the time they arrived at the party, the party was goddamn over. No one could see them in the Super 12s while they were slaughtering stale competition.
To receive this award, we have the one and only Inzamam-ul-Haq. He knows a thing or two about cricket, doesn’t he?
Sunil Valson award for the best bench warmer
Winner: Sanju Samson
You know how that saying goes: I'm a M-A-L-L-U M-A-L-L-U. Rinosh George, please, no copyrights.
India have won World Cups four times, and all four teams have something in common. That is, they all have had a Mallu. The award for the best bench warmer goes to Sanju Samson. After all, that was Sunil Valson during the entirety of the 1983 ODI World Cup.
Good luck charm (but on the bench).
If you’ve not downloaded the Cricket.com app yet, you’re missing out — big time. Play Fantasy on Cricket.com NOW! Download the App here.
